Editor's note: this is a satirical, tongue-in-cheek post designed to provide humor and levity to the litter-picker-uppers among us.
The centuries-long saga of volunteer trash-gathering has many fascinating chapters, but none can equal the episode in which it nearly became an official sport at the 1968 Olympics. Before you respond “NO WAY!” to this claim, please recall that just months ago – at the 2024 Olympics in Paris – medals were awarded for breakdancing.
It’s not surprising that litter retrieval’s close brush with the Olympics is known only to a handful of people today. The story unfolded largely behind closed doors, and none of the key actors remain alive to confirm exactly what transpired. But the following account is what researchers at Keep Massachusetts Beautiful have been able to piece together from multiple sources, including several classified government documents.
The early 1960s represented the Golden Age of picking up litter in the United States, with amateurs dominating the retrieval landscape. For example, Marge “Twist Tie” Tedesco set a world record in 1962 when she gathered 52 bags of litter in one hour at a Syracuse, NY petting zoo. “Blind Eddie” Granowitz became a hero in the sightless community in 1964 when – using his uncanny ability to sense the “hum of debris” – he picked up 23 buckets of trash following a B. B. King concert at a public park in Richmond, VA. And who can forget Elwood “Two Hands” Zandell? He barnstormed his way across the Midwest in 1965, holding a trash grabber in each hand as he scooped up litter and played his harmonica while riding Pecos Pete, a three-legged donkey. In Little Rock, Arkansas he was given the key to the city.
Enter John Lindsay, the photogenic politician who became Mayor of New York City in 1966. The Big Apple was experiencing tough times during that decade, and Times Square had devolved into a lurid litter landfill. There was so much trash on the ground that pedestrians couldn’t distinguish the sidewalk from the street. Curbs were invisible. It was a detritus dystopia, and the city was overwhelmed.
But in February 1967 the Mayor had an “AHA” moment. What if he could persuade top trash retrievers from around the world to come to Manhattan and do what they do best? The 1968 Olympics had been awarded to Mexico City, but Lindsay had connections. Connections to “old money.” Descendants-of-the-Mayflower-Voyage type of money. He called in some favors and raised enough cash to bribe the International Olympics Committee (IOC) to do two things: (1) move the 1968 venue from Mexico to New York City; and (2) approve litter retrieval as a Demonstration Olympic Event, with Times Square serving as the site for the competition.
Word spread quietly but quickly among the volunteer litter-gathering community. Finally, they would have a chance to display their skills on a world stage, with the prospect of lucrative professionalization on the horizon. Could picking up sidewalk and street debris actually become a professional sport – with conferences, divisions, and leagues? A sport that would enable practitioners to support their families without having to take low-wage, part-time jobs on the side? Could this lifelong dream be coming true? Would a crushed McDonald’s cup in the gutter at Broadway and 7th Avenue during the 1968 Olympics represent the Holy Grail?
Tragically, the answer to all of these questions turned out to be “no.”
Before the IOC deal could be finalized, organized crime families in NYC that controlled the city’s trash-hauling business got wind of it. They feared that making litter retrieval an Olympic event would be the first downward step on a steep, trash-strewn slippery slope, leading to mob-based trash collection being replaced by volunteers seeking to gain experience before turning pro.
At approximately 5:30 am on April 25, 1967, a fetid aroma awakened John Lindsay from a deep slumber. A large bin of slimy street garbage had been dumped on the bed next to his feet. It was accompanied by a handwritten note placed next to his pillow: “You wanna be in the next barrel?”
The 1968 Olympics took place, as planned, in Mexico City.
For the rest of his life, John Lindsay refused to sleep in any bedroom that contained a wastebasket.
Mike Morris is a retired professor of psychology from the University of New Haven who moved to Framingham, MA in 2022. His primary avocations are satirical writing and pursuing street litter with a vengeance. His humor blog, University Life, can be accessed at https://universitylife.michaeladrianmorris.com.
