Let’s be honest. Even the most enthusiastic Keep Massachusetts Beautiful volunteers can occasionally find themselves bemoaning the fact that the pursuit of litter is a seemingly never-ending endeavor. Sure, you may feel good today about picking up a couple of bags of trash in your neighborhood, but — deep down — you know that in a week or two a fresh supply of litter will likely replace what you’ve removed.
Litter gathering can make us feel like Sisyphus, the Greek king who was condemned to an eternity of pushing an immense boulder (bag of litter?) up a steep hill, only to have it roll back down every time he neared the summit.
You might start asking yourself, “What is WRONG with people?”
Other repetitive tasks we typically engage in — laundry, lawn mowing, bed making — don’t cause us to question the fundamental worthiness and intelligence of our fellow humans. When it comes to picking up litter, however, it’s hard to avoid that dispiriting query.
But fear not, stalwart members of KMB. There are several things you can do to brighten your litter-gathering experience.
Bask in the immediate gratification you receive from picking up trash. There are few activities that deliver tangible, satisfying results more quickly than bagging litter. One moment, you’re looking at some unsightly mess on the sidewalk; a second later – VOILA! – that mess is gone. And you’re the one who made it happen! A single trip around the block can provide a KMB volunteer with dozens of opportunities to feel that warm glow of accomplishment.
Walking is good for you. Assuming you don’t get hit by a bus, every trash excursion contributes to your physical and mental well-being. Ask any doctor. No vaccine controversies to worry about here. And it’s easier on your knees than jogging.
Sometimes you find money. Okay, you’re not likely to get rich picking up litter, but in the past year I’ve collected over a dollar in change, which is enough to make a down payment on a cup of coffee. Of course, I had to rinse off several of those coins before using them, but still…
Also, a few months ago I found a tiny, pink, rubber Tyrannosaurus Rex that now sits on the windowsill above our kitchen sink, protecting us from pterodactyls. You can’t put a price on the peace of mind that provides.
People say “thank you.” It’s not uncommon for a passing motorist (or pedestrian) to express their gratitude to me for picking up litter. That’s a nice feeling, especially if you were raised in a religion that specializes in guilt induction. (“Hey, maybe I AM a good person!”)
Gathering litter provides you with opportunities to reward yourself. It’s often said that “doing the right thing is its own reward,” but I’m not referring to that. I’m talking about buying yourself an ice cream cone after you spend a couple of hours gathering trash. I follow the Häagen-Dazs Principle: “Two bags of litter justify two scoops of mint chocolate chip.”
If you’re concerned about calories, try watching “guilty pleasure” movies following an afternoon of litter retrieval. I highly recommend the original version of “Road House” (1989) starring Patrick Swayze.
You make new friends. In general, people who volunteer to pick up trash constitute a particularly pleasant swath of humanity. They’re generous, cheerful, civic-minded…and they DON’T litter! Maybe human beings aren’t so bad after all.
Moral of the Story: In the KMB version of “The Wizard of Oz,” the Yellow Brick Road that leads to the Emerald City runs through a series of de-trashed neighborhoods. So, grab your litter bag (and Toto, too!) and head out. Ice cream and happiness are waiting for you.
Mike Morris is a retired professor of psychology from the University of New Haven who moved to Framingham, MA in 2022. His primary avocations are satirical writing and pursuing street litter with a vengeance. His humor blog, University Life, can be accessed at https://universitylife.michaeladrianmorris.com.
