Picking up litter can be gratifying, but there’s no denying the fact that the most potent long-term strategy for getting rid of street and highway debris is PREVENTION. As our friends in the public health field know, disease prevention — not treatment — is the Holy Grail.
It is in that spirit that I encourage Keep Massachusetts Beautiful (KMB) to take its prevention efforts to the next level. For example, how can we keep drivers from tossing litter out of their vehicles? Threatening them with fines doesn’t seem to be particularly effective, at least in Massachusetts. Here are two suggestions that I believe can go a long way toward cleaning up the Commonwealth.
First, require all new cars to have windows that can’t be lowered. It is impossible to throw trash out of a car window that is always up.
The elegant simplicity of this intervention is, quite frankly, breathtaking. Sure, some of you are probably saying right now, “Mike, don’t be ridiculous! In the United States, we have a constitutional right to lower our car windows whenever we want!” Oh, really? I have a copy of the U. S. Constitution in front of me. Show me a passage that says ANYTHING about car windows. Can’t find one? I didn’t think so.
Virtually all automobiles these days come with air conditioning as standard equipment, so please don’t start whining about not being able to keep cool in your car during the summer. I am concerned, however, about the dog lobby. Canines are notorious for sticking their heads out of open car windows to take in the breeze, grinning like they’re in dog heaven. They’re going to wonder, “Why should we be penalized just because our owners are littering dipwads?” A fair question. My response: all of us need to make sacrifices in order to achieve a litter-free society. Why shouldn’t dogs be asked to do their part?
How can we convince our slobbering friends that they have a role to play in litter prevention? I would start by reaching out to the smartest breeds (border collies, poodles, golden retrievers, etc.) and doing some public education. Once we get them on board, they can spread the word to their less intelligent cousins (including some humans). Problem solved.
But what about all the cars currently on the road with windows that can be lowered? Glad you asked. Simply authorize inspection stations to install locking devices on those windows when the vehicles are brought in by their owners. Once again, problem solved.
Now to Suggestion #2: In order to lessen the aggravation associated with my first recommendation, Massachusetts should offer a cash rebate of $5,000 to any driver who purchases a Nissan NoLittah sedan, the first of which will roll off the assembly line in mid-2027. In the NoLittah, the area typically occupied by the rear passenger seat is replaced with a large, lid-less, wicker hamper. Whenever the driver or passenger in the front seat has some trash to discard, they simply toss it over their shoulder without looking. Once the container is full, the car can be driven to one of the hamper dumping stations operated by KMB volunteers around the Commonwealth.
And there’s a bonus: pilot studies indicate that small children LOVE riding in the NoLittah’s backseat hamper, diving for the individual pieces of trash that come sailing their way. Think of the myriad opportunities here for imaginative, creative play involving soda cans, water bottles, dental flossers, and cigarette butts. No more complaints of “when are we going to get there, daddy? I’m bored.” A boon for those long drives to see grandma and grandpa in Des Moines or Saskatoon.
So, there you have it. We are on the cusp of a litter-prevention revolution in Massachusetts — assuming we can persuade the powers that be to implement these changes!
Mike Morris is a retired professor of psychology from the University of New Haven who moved to Framingham, MA in 2022. His primary avocations are satirical writing and pursuing street litter with a vengeance. His humor blog, University Life, can be accessed at https://universitylife.michaeladrianmorris.com.
